Spring 2007 > Thailand > Part II

FRIENDS REUNITED

Still reeling from "Off Load Weapons Room" next to the x-ray scanner at our departure airport (guns okay on board, just leave the ammo, okay?), Ilan was there to greet us at the Bangkok aiport upon our return from Koh Samui. She appeared to have settled into the holiday swing of things nicely, but before we returned to Parn's place, his mother took us all out for a dinner with more dishes than I've had hot dinners...you get what I mean. Then we went to the night market we had spotted previously for some omiyage (holiday souvenirs and gifts). We didn't realise quite what the scale of the market was until we arrived at an outdoor music concert and beer garden. As I walked into the venue area, a large European middle-aged man with sun-dried tomato skin staggered in front of me with his Thai wife. And as she walked past, she gave me a look that could only be described as a mix of "Get me out of here" and "I want you for breakfast". The stage itself had little desktop game machines and karaoke booths for one-song hire - just more examples of Thai ingenuity in public entertainments, such as the arcade machines which are just PS2's in boxes, and the purikura (photobooth machines) which were just a digital camera, a computer and a printer.



We sat down near the front drinking various German brews and snacking on chili-laced cashew nuts (which we used to make spicy beer, the thirst-inducing/thirst-quenching beverage). We got the full brunt of homo-erotic dance routines and mangled Thai versions of well-known R'n'B tunes (I believe their cover of The Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps" didn't contain any consonants). We also took a ride on La Roue de Paris (surely 'de Bangkok', non?) which was clearly of great joy to Baptiste. For some strange reason, Ilan insisted we spend the majority of our ride posing as if we were in a Chanel commercial. We also got to hang around with one of those painted silver dudes who you pay to make them move a little bit. Oh, I guess you're paying for the time it took for him to paint himself and get his outfit on and all, but next time, just think about what you are actually gaining from this transaction. It's a bit ridiculous, that's all. Anyway, we soon headed back home to unpack and sort out our recently returned things, and we could finally present our gifts from China to the Prasjaksattrus, which, although in woeful imbalance as a token of thanks to the incomparable generosity bestowed upon us, were happily accepted.

Another day in Bangkok was on the cards, and again we were to frequent numerous department stores to get the full-on Thai shopping experience. Baptiste decided there was too much of Thailand to see without a method of recording his adventures and bought himself a new point-and-shoot digital camera like my one to tide him over until he could invest in another one like that he had before Shanghai. After lunch and ice cream (as is de rigeur in such a climate), we thought it would be a good idea to head to the Jade Temple, but were dismayed to find it had already closed before 3.30pm. It seemed strange that they would shut a major tourist attraction when the temperature and sunlight would be at their most bearable (it was a similar deal elsewhere). Who'd want to go walk around out of the shade in the intense noon heat? Near the entrance, a couple of shady guys advised us that it would be a better idea to go on a boat trip along the Chao Phraya River. It sounds rather fishy, but I just leave Parn to natter away with them in Thai to get all the details. We make our way to the pier, but our driver tries to broker a different deal and manages to get us a trip for half price, but we end up having half the fun. All we end up doing is going in a little motor boat, spending 10 minutes to look around Wat Arun (a temple decorated with smashed crockery and the like), then back on the boat to the pier. It was an unbelievable rip-off as well: 150 baht for the boat, 20 to actually land the damn thing at the temple, 40 because we took some silly snaps with those boards where you stick your head on the body of historical/spiritual characters (the cost of which was sneakily hidden in the corner - I wonder how many people coughed up on their own free will), 20 to get into the temple (of which the second floor was cornered off for renovations) and an extra 20 for Ilan to hire a top as she wasn't suitably dressed for the Wat. Okay, so all this mounts to mere pounds and pennies, but it was a lot for half an hour of mild entertainment in the context of Thai prices, and left me very miffed indeed.

But no time to stay angry - we had more packing to do, as we were to take the night train to Parn's hometown of Phrae, in the north of Thailand. We filled up on pizza before being dropped off at the station, expecting to see some grand building much like the department stores we'd witnessed, only to find it was pretty much a platform and a track. Once on board our train, we found our sleeper carriage and our little green bunks. We try to entertain ourselves as much as possible while trying to disturb our fellow passengers as little as possible. Brief rounds of Squares, Consequences and Categories pretty much fulfill our travel game quotient, but we all thought it would be a good idea to actually get some shut-eye. While the bunks were comfortable, the frequent stops punctuate my REM and there's little sense of time or space due to the constant lighting and lack of windows. What's more, a perplexing sticker in my bunk labelled SHORT FISHERMAN PANT had focused all my attention upon it. Portrait of the sleep deprived.


PHRAE AND PREJUDICE

We arrived at our final stop around 6:15am, and were picked up by our new driver (who would be called Utenshu-san from now on, as in the Japanese) to take us to Parn's place. And what a grand place indeed. A wonderful teak building, with a number of outlying houses and some lovely open spaces. Plus, Parn had his own standalone quarters (complete with en suite shower-room, big telly and drumkit - natch) which would become our base of operations. But at that moment, it was sleepy time for us all unti 11am, when we woke to have lunch (a variety of yummy dishes served with a mini-basket of sticky rice each - our staple meal for this portion of our adventure) with various family members, colleagues, friends and staff. We also spent a large part of our time posing for photographs, soaking up the sunshine, and, in my case, freaking out little children - not to tears, but there was something about me that caused them to stare, before running and hiding. It was probably then about time for some proper sight-seeing.

First stop was the old governor's house, which made me feel like the baddie in Commando - I could picture Arnie slaughtering a mini-army on the lovely rear garden lawn. It was also home to a collection of old typewriters and massive Casio caluclatos. Plus, there was an actual jail in the basement, prompting all kinds of convict-related banter - but what does it say about me that I was the last to leave? Next, we visited Pratubjai House, a grand teak building home to a variety of memorabilia, handicrafts and local artefacts. It was also our first encounter with hiked-up prices for farang (the Thai term for foreigners). I can see how raising the prices is in someway justified, asuming you have a greater income living abroad, but it still makes you feel even more like an outsider when you already feel like one naturally. And it'd be a nuisance if you were an actual resident, having to continually prove your status every time you went to a tourist hot-spot. What's more, Ilan managed to get away with looking Thai enough to get the discount. Still, at least we all got keyrings thrown in with the entry fee. And finally, we took a trip to Phae Muang Phi, a rocky valley created by forest flooding. The unusal rock formations would make it a perfect shooting location for a Star Trek episode (Kirk years, obviously) or a prehistoric epic, and we had much fun clambouring about the sand and stone. Plus, we saw a bunch of lizards and a rock that looked like a man's thingy!



We returned via Parn's aunt's cafe for a few drinks and met his little cousins who accompanied us to a festival taking place at a nearby temple that evening. We were almost the only farangs there, prompting the monks to give us a cheery "Hello". Various rituals were taking place, as hundreds gathered to pray, light candles, receive blessings, ring bells and such. But there were also all kinds of stalls, games, rides and performaces taking place. We snacked on candy floss and played a darts game very badly (clearly my previous success in Xi'an was a fluke). However, I was more concerned with the nasty bit of chewing gum stuck to my shoe, picking up all manner of dirt, sand and grit from the festival ground. Lovely. Regardless, we returned to Parn's shack for drinking games (half-remembered from Hokkaido, but none that really worked as well as they ought to have done) and general larking about until 3am. As you do on holiday, right?


RESERVOIR DOGS

Today's excursion didn't sound like a great deal of fun (a trip to the reservoir), but turned out to be one of the most enjoyable and relaxing afternoons of the trip. We took a motorboat out into the water, dropped off a couple of fishermen, and then stopped off at a kind of floating shack. On board was a bar, kitchen, music and karaoke system, and a group of people already enjoying snacks and drinks. We took our own little spot to relax and enjoy the views, but then the shack actually started to move and set sail. It was perhaps the least hydrodynamic (or whatever the water equivalent of aerodynamic is) vessel I'd ever been on, but it was a wonderful and surreal experience to drift along the water surface in a thatch-roofed hut, with on-board catering. We relaxed by the water's edge into the sunset, and had a thoroughly good time - even if a gecko shat on me, leaving a trouser stain that still remains.



We returned home via the video store and rented a copy of V for Vendetta on VCD (having tried the previous evening on DVD format, only to find it was a Region One copy - not Thailand's region at all). We all thoroughly enjoyed it, even though the ending was delayed when Baptiste paused the film for a quick loo break, only to return and press the eject button instead of play. Okay, it was dark, but as it was a VCD, that meant we had to start from the beginning of the second disc, and with the remote control missing, we had to let it play until the part we left off, around 15 minutes from the end. The rest of the evening and early morning consisted of scaring Ilan witless. I think Baptiste said an off-hand comment about strangers peering into her windows at night which meant she couldn't get to sleep, so we slept in her room, and she stayed with Parn. But then Parn and Ilan decided to get their revenge by tapping on our window and making spooky noises from outside. At first, we pretended not to notice, but then Baptiste popped up and I stuck my hand against the glass. Their squeals alerted the dogs, so they had to hurry back inside. But just as they were recuperating, I dragged myself into their room Sadako-style and gave Ilan the heebie-jeebies. And what lesson have we learned? Don't try and out-scare Mr. Steele - suffice to say, I would have won the scream competition in The Worst Witch hands-down. Or even up for that matter.

Some of these pictures are courtesy of Parn, and can be seen on his Facebook page, or try out the relevant Flickr pages of Baptiste and yours truly.

Next Time: Chiang Mai - more temples and markets and massage, plus elephants and snakes galore!