We arrive at Bangkok's new Suvarnabhumi Airport past midnight, which is all very stylish and swish, although it is apparently already falling apart, with a runway starting to crack up, and ghost stories a-plenty after a construction worker was trapped in a pillar of cement. A 'visa-upon-arrival' counter mocks our situation and while it's a long shot, we wait to see all the bags claimed before making our own lost baggage claim. The staff are extremely helpful and well-spoken, and we give them our details and are advised to get in touch with them once we can confirm the situation in Beijing (thinking about it now, we never called back - I hope they're not still looking for our lugggae). Obviously, the first things Parn wants to know when we meet him are "Where're your bags?", and, more importantly, "Where's Ilan?". Much exposition later, and we're in a taxi to his Bangkok pad, which was the perfect place to put our feet up (or inside the iSqueez massage machine, which sent Baptiste into fits of giggles on Vibrate mode). After a little Thai TV (featuring my old Japanese favourite, Medical Horror Check Show with 'Beat' Takeshi, and the karaoke channel with some bizarre old man chasing ladies in the forest and a Pan-Pan look-a-like), forty winks seemed the sensible option.
The following morning, we managed to get in touch with Ilan, and it turned out she would be able to come to Thailand (with our bags) thanks to a speedy visa application. Problem was it would be after we were due to head to Koh Samui, so we had to get a few supplies to tide us over until we returned. So, thanks to Parn's mum's personal driver (who would aid us throughout our Bangkok adventures), we headed to a nearby mall to do some shopping like all the cool kids do in Thailand. What struck me immediately was just how open every place seemed to be to different popular cultures, with American, British, French, Japanese, Australian and Korean brands, TV shows, bands, chains everywhere, not to mention Thailand's homegrown produce. First port of call was Hairworld, where Baptiste and I thought it was about time we got the snip. Baptiste ended up with a geeky bouffant and I looked like an English footballer, but over the course of the holiday, our respective 'dos settled a little better (Baptiste eventually having a touch of Louis Theroux about his look). I also picked up a couple of smart shirts there before we took the Sky Train to Siam Square for more shopping. Department stores varied from the big and flashy to the small and cheap, and we stocked up on various essential casual and beach wear, with Baptiste opting for a very zen kung-fu get-up. Much of our purchasing took place in MBK, which had vast floor space dedicated to big-name boutiques as well as smaller stalls. It also had quite a large cinema on the top floor, which proved just how much the Thais love movies - plenty of stands and posters advertising big releases from home and abroad (and many in their original language and/or with English subtitles - nice to see English being used again).
It was dark by the time the driver picked us up for a night-time tour around town. We drove through a night market which we would return to later, and through Chinatown, still showing the signs of New Year celebrations and an amazing amount of restaurants specialising in shark fin soup. Then there was the infamous red-light district, with a surprising amount of Japanese signs around - it wasn't actually as seedy as I had expected (or maybe hoped). And on the way home, we passed the Jade Palace and the King's Palace, but they weren't lit-up as we would have liked (i.e. at all). However, the amount of images of the King posted around was staggering - his face was almost omnipresent, from portraits in shops, to vast banners down the sides of skyscrapers. It represented just how respected he is and how loyal his subjects are.
AMARI SAMUKUNAI
Monday morning, and an early wake-up call as we had another flight to catch - this time, heading south towards a short break on the island of Koh Samui. But first, a change of clothes were in order, as this, being a Monday, was the day people were encouraged to wear yellow polo shirts with the King's emblem on (and if you're in a government job, you pretty much wear it every weekday). Mine was a little small and faded, but did the job nonetheless. We met Parn's mother at the airport and boarded the plane after a quick pad thai. The in-flight magazine proved to be a source of great entertainment thanks to it's cover article about how to take pictures of your girlfriend on holiday, which Baptiste committed to memory in a very short space of time.
Parn's father and the local police met us on arrival (to guide us, not arrest us), and we zipped past luscious scenery to make it to the ferry on time (which they actually delayed for us anyway). The boat itself was an old Japanese vessel based on the signage, and we were rewarded with stunning views and a beautiful sunset as it set sail. We arrived on the island an hour or so later, and were swiftly taken to a nearby beach resort for a lavish seafood supper on the beach. Endless amounts of spicy soup and platters of various crustaceans were brought out to us and we struggled to keep up (my piss-poor shell removal not helping matters much). The local law enforcer then drove us to the Banana Fan Sea Resort on the other side of the island where we would be staying. It's night-time by now, so the beach is empty, but the nearby tourist bars and clubs are packed. Our room is actually where the manager stays on his visits, so we have all the luxuries we could desire.
Once unpacked, we all head into town for ice-cream, then myself, Parn and Baptiste are led around town by one of the local cops. Well, he was more like your Western-style Sheriff, who would patrol the town, chat with his contacts and if anyone had a complaint, would get it sorted sharpish. And he kept his gun in a bumbag. While we have a few other essentials to buy, he advises us it's better and cheaper to go to Tesco tomorrow morning. Instead, we decided to have a look around the clubs, but they were surrounded with terrifying caricatures of womanhood, some of whom were certainly not 100% female. I don't really know what my ideal woman is, but I know now what my ideal woman isn't - these lank-haired, big-lipped, jewel-encrusted, leather-wrapped, long-nailed she-beast harpees, beckoning us to come join their party...shudder. We ended up in a reggae bar on the other side of town for a couple of beers, but there was a daft MC nattering over the music and a lot of middle-aged men getting pissed and dancing the kind of slow-motion bop dads do to reggae music. We left after about an hour - according to our cop the next day, there had been a stabbing that night at that bar, between a boyfriend and his girlfriend (at least they weren't strangers). The rest of the clubs in town were a bit too hectic for our tastes, so we retreated to a more laidback bar for drinks and snacks. And even though we were still technically full from all the fruits de mers we had consumed earlier, that didn't stop an impromptu Burger King before bed around 3am.
Today was our first full holiday day - and we started off in perhaps the most beautifully located Tesco in the world, with the bright hot sun basking down on a lush palm tree forest. With some more cheap beach-wear bought and bagged, we were off to another part of the island for a proposed scuba diving session. However, when we arrived, I was a little anxious about the lack of an instructor or any signs of scuba gear whatsoever. I was a little disappointed but, at the same time, incredibly relieved to discover it would be a snorkelling session instead, so we took a little boat out towards the bay of a small island, home to all kinds of tropical fish. To get them excited, we tossed them instant noodles that sent them into a feeding frenzy. We then got the chance to take a dip with them, but the coral towards the bay meant the water got very shallow indeed. I also decided to see for how long I could stalk an individual fish before it got lost in a shoal. After an hour or so, we headed back to shore for drinks and I realised just how horribly sunburnt I had become, having applied suncream but only after I'd gone swimming, so there had been much skin-sizzling during my snorkelling. I was pretty red across my back and shoulders, and was already beginning to flake up. Baptiste and Parn, on the other hand, had gotten off with only a few minor scrapes and cuts. Still, the sun was starting to set, so we decided to head onto Chaweng (sounds a bit like "Schwing!") beach by our hotel for jet-ski fun.
Jet-skiing was a wonderful experience. We had about half an hour to zip across the waves as much as we liked, and there was a great feeling of freedom as we bounced off crests and weaved through each other's splash-trails (or whatever the gnarly terminology is). It was far more exhilirating an experience than playing Waverace had suggested. However, I took a wave at a bid of a bad angle and fell off backwards, my last word before hitting the water a simple "Woah". Afterwards, we had a variety of varyingly disappointing barfood from 'Bob's Bar', which took ages to arrive as well. We then took advantage of the 'no longer as hot as is it was earlier' weather for paddling, swimming, sand-slinging and sand-sumo, with Parn beating Baptiste triumphantly. We returned to the hotel to wash and change before having some Thai green curry at a nearby restaurant and a visit to My Friendly Thai massage. I opted for the aloe vera treatment to soothe my sunburn, but it was a general body MOT, involving popping my toes, smearing lotion across my sweaty, hairy pores and getting rubbed quite close to my private triangle. We were all super-relaxed until Parn's mobile (which wasn't fixed to his ear in a rare moment of non-natter) killed the mood with an unexpected ringtone.Our time in Koh Samui had been short but it was the first time my trip had felt like a genuine relaxing break from my time studying at university in Kyoto. We left the next morning after breakfast to return to Bangkok, to be reunited with Ilan. And our bags!
See pictures of Koh Samui here and here.
Coming soon - return to Bangkok and the journey to Phrae!
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