Alice, Nick, Ilan, U-chan, Parn, Baptiste and Meeee got up at a semi-reasonable hour to board the lovely faux-old-fashioned Hankyu railway cars to Osaka. We navigated our way through the rather soggy weather to Namba Parks, which was really just your typical Japanese mall (typical meaning swish and fancy), and after a long-awaited pizza and pasta luncheon, we made our way to the Namba sports centre. It took us a while to work out how to use the umbrella locks to stow away our brollies in safety, and then we proceeded to the basement where the ice rink was situated.
So, I've never ice-skated in my life, and the only other people who shared my level of experience had had far more extensive roller-skating/-blading experience in their early years than I had done. It's not like I was deprived as a child, but more that strapping wheels to my feet wasn't an experience I had been too fussed about. And plus, it's for girls. I hoped my recent snowboarding skills I had picked up in Hokkaido would see me through (what? Ice? Snow? The same thing, right?). Having eventually found boots the right size for me and purchased some cheapo 'one size fits all' gloves (that one size is 'junior'), we headed out onto the surface, only to be ushered off seconds later as it was time for the resurfacing machine to do it's job. Great false start. But finally, it was time to hit the rink. And hit it I did. Again and again and again.Us noobs hadn't received much tutelage upon our initial steps (read: skids), and while the pros offered us hints and tips, admittedly a lot of it you have to work out for yourself. U-chan and Ilan picked it up quite quick, while myself and Haruna (who'd joined us at the rink) struggled to make our legs work properly. I'd manage to push off on the right, but leave the left dragging behind, or vice versa. And looking at what you are doing with your feet means you are not looking where you are going. Which is kind of crucial really. The problem was that the slower I was going, the harder it was, but the faster I went, the probability of injury was greater. And boy howdy did it hurt. Over the course of a couple of hours, I had maybe two minor falls, but at least four really big ones. That doesn't sound too bad, but I only managed a few laps in which I did not feel like I was going to fall over at any moment. And the constant lappage was making me feel a little dizzy too.
My big falls were pretty spectacular though. I think it was twice where I fell flat forward and skidded on my belly a bit, but the real bad ones where when I was falling backwards onto my arm, shoulder, back, leg and arse - all at once. I was wearing a helmet, but unfortunately, they didn't have any arse helmets around. I had been keen to continue for another half an hour, but as soon as I said that, I had a terribly painful fall and could barely stand afterwards, let alone skate to the exit. What's more the staff on hand just skate past you and ignore you - no "Are you okay?" or "Do you need a hand?". They probably just think "Pff...Stupid amateur gaijin...".
I guess the really tricky part was both trying to skate properly whilst not hitting anyone else - and changing direction or stopping without causing myself to fall was a real challenge. The vast majority of punters were pretty adept at the skating thing, with a small few external to our group embracing the ice as I did. Plus, lots of tiny kids who had a habit of doing spins and such directly in front of your skating line. There were also a few representatives of figure skating teams from various Kansai universities, and I'd hate to crash into them and be the one to put an end to their burgeoning sports careers. "No Olympic Games for you, chum!" We also noticed that a significant number of patrons were old men whose sole purpose of being there seemed to be giving skating tips to young pretty girls. Sure, you're taking the grandchildren out for exercise! You just want to pick up chicks by teaching them how to do backwards lemons.
Well, I left with aches and pains that would worsen and remain for the next week, but kind of pleased. I never reached a stage where I was relaxed or comfortable, but it was fifty-fifty fun and frustrating. And all the pros gotta start somewhere, right? As I walked out, my feet were making sliding motions rather than taking proper steps - much as a prolonged trampoline session warps one perceptions of the foot-ground relationship. And from one dicey icey enocunter to another.
I was assaulted for the first time during my stay in Japan. YAY! I can safely say that it was far more of a bewildering experience than an intimidating one, just because the situation was so unexpected and came out of nowhere. To set it up, most of the others had gone home, but Ilan, Baptiste and I stayed for a quick trip to Yodoyabashi Camera for a webcam, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on Nintendo DS, and just because I hadn't been there myself, respectively. We then boarded the train back to Kyoto, and took a seat, when Dries appeared in the same carriage and stood in the aisle chatting with us. Ilan and Baptiste dozed off, while I talked to Dries about our day, his drinking plans for the next few days, and general studying banter.
About halfway into the journey, during our conversation, I crossed my legs. Now, I can't work out whether I brushed the leg of the passenger to my left or not, but he certainly reacted in such a way to suggest it. I offered an apology, and continued chatting. Then all of a sudden, he pushed my leg off my knee and started mouthing off in a slurred incomprehensible fashion (granted, my knowledge of Japanese swears is limited, but I couldn't work out any components of speech beyond a grunt). Then he pushes me again, and grabs his umbrella in what could have been an attempt to strike me with it, but Dries deflected it out of his hands, and tried to calm the situation. By this time, Ilan had stirred and suggested moving but I wasn't going to let some schmuck get the better of me. I again tried to ignore him and resumed talking to Dries (though I was trying to work out where I was in the conversation, I thought saying anything would show this joey I was resolutely non-plussed). But then he grabbed me by the ear, trying to dislodge the headphone which I had been listening to at low volume during my chat. That was too far in my book, so I resisted, gave him a look...and then kept on talking to Dries.
Luckily, the muppet got off at the next stop, barging past Dries with his satchel as he left (despite Dries being clearly a foot taller and certainly the one to bet on if it came to blows). It was all rather strange. My heart was pounding and adrenalin rushing, but it goes to show how well I've been brought up that I didn't deck him in straight away (though on the train home, all I could think about was socking him one). I just couldn't work out what his deal was. He was probably late 30's, early 40's (with some bizarre white whisps of hair above his lip, rather than what you could call a moustache), in dressed-down suit attire. I might not have been as suprised if he were a drunken salaryman on the way home from work, but it was a Sunday afternoon. Maybe he was upset about the rainy weather? Or he didn't like it that two foreigners were yapping away happily in words he couldn't understand right next to hime? According to Dries, while I continued to ignore him, he was simmering away and gripping his umbrella in a "I'm going to smack you one" sort of fashion. I think if that had happened, we'd easily have taken him. I mean, what did he expect to come of it? It's not like the other passengers were on his side - most shimmied down the seats, and afterwards a few were smiling in disbelief about what had just transpired, just as I was doing. I've never seen such smouldering rage emerge from someone that way before, let alone over something as trivial as brushing his leg and apologising. So, although it's the second worst case of assault I've received on public transport, it was certainly less scary than any of the times I've been only threatened with assault. I guess Osaka's thugs and punks have a long way to go if they want to compete with London's crooks.
Geez, just typing all that has got my blood boiling. Best to chill out again with the new refreshing beverage that's sweeping Japan-centric blogs across t'internet. The other week, I went into the FamilyMart oppostie the university before lessons for a bit of brekkie. I had just had some delicious Tropicana Golden Harvest (pineapple, kiwi, apple, grape) a few days previous, and was hoping to buy another. But shock horror! It had gone, and been replaced with PEPSI ICE CUCUMBER! WOW! I guess the Pepsi guys were like:
"Gee, you know the phrase, cool as a cucumber?"
"Sort of..."
"How about we make a cucumber-flavour soft drink?"
"Oooookayyyy"
"No, hear me out! Chicks get facials, right? At health spas. And they stick cucumbers on their eyes, you know? Well, cucumber equals healthy! And the chicks will dig it too!"
"But where in the world would an idea this crazy be accepted..."
Thus, Pepsi Ice Cucumber arrived in Japan, and the wacky legend was born. I'm pretty sure that's how it went. Either that, or some mad experiment gone wrong care of Professor Pepsi's laboratory. It's just another in a long line of stunt beverages but I just had to give it a try. I had left it chilled in the fridge over the weekend, but plucked up the courage to try it tonight. The bottle itself informs us that cucumber is the English for kyuuri (the Japanese for cucumber). It then follows with a sentence that translates as "Cola and Cucumber, surprising combination of refreshing cola!". As you can see from my expression upon holding it, I asked myself, "Can it be true, that I hold here in my mortal hand, a beverage of purest green?!"
It takes a few twists to open, but when it does, the rush of fizz is surprisingly loud and disconcerting, like that of a cannister of evil ooze being released. It's super bubbly, and a closer look at the colour reveals it's green to be less of a limeade green, and more like the monkey-micturation in the 'Apes of Wrath' episode of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. Or at least Listerine. Not a good sign. Oh, but the smell! Now that was very cucumbery, and rather sneer-inducing. But I thought, what the hell, and took a few large gulps.Initial thoughts? Not too bad. The taste was far too sweet to be that much like cucumber, which is probably a good thing. I love cucumber, but I really don't think it has a place in the beverage market (except maybe a slice or two in a Pimm's). A further swig suggests it's like a mix of cola, bubblegum, citrus and mint - perhaps better suited to the washing-up liquid aisle than the soft drink one. A bit too clinical. Still too sweet and fizzy for my likings; it makes for big belches, and it passed through me so quickly, I had to tinkle before my glass was half-empty. So I probably won't buy it again (not even sure I'm going to finish this bottle - a third through and I think it's already got the better of me, though that's better than some of the more day-to-day drinks offered in Japan). Still yet to give Kodomo no Nomimono a go, though - it's basically beer for kids. Well, no alcohol, all it really amounts to is bubbly apple juice with a foamy head. No worse than candy cigarettes, that are still in plentiful supply here in Japan, in original, chocolate and cola flavours to boot (though what the guy said in Super Size Me about 'Brand Imprinting For Later Actuation in Life' is ringing in my ears).
More skating pics on Parn's Facebook page! My own Flickr updates soon! I'm going now, bye!
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